{ life }

back to school

For the first time in weeks I am home alone. I am sitting here trying to get reacquainted with the sounds of an empty house. It is actually amazing what you can hear when there aren't any little people running around dueling, or fighting for your attention. There is quite a bit of noise in the surrounding silence, but it plays more like a gentle piece of background music, which makes me feel not so alone after all.

I love the first day of school, and perhaps not for the reason you might think! I love the possibilities that lie before each child. It is the thought of the potential experiences they will gain along the way that makes the beginning so exciting. Of course I wish I could say that the kids embrace the idea of school in much the same way, but that might be a little ambitious thinking on my part. When I asked each of them how excited they were to be going back, they each in turn gave rather unenthusiastic mumbles indicating they would much prefer a day in front of the TV with XBox 360 controllers in hand! I take comfort in knowing that they will feel a little different once they ease their way back into their social networks, and start to feel the flow of school structure.

The hardest part about the first day is leaving them at their classrooms. I constantly worry that they might not be able to find their friends, or that they might be nervous about the unknown. Elijah is in year 7 now, so I have been doing this first day worrying for the past 8 years. You would think by now I would know that it will inevitably all play out the way it should and the kids will find their feet one way or another. Sometimes I think I should write myself a big note and stick it to the refrigerator, but then I tell myself that as a mother it is my job to worry; and so I laugh at myself and move on.

As I prepare to leave Caleb's classroom, the last official stop for the morning, he gives me one of his super deluxe hugs which says I love you and tells me he will miss me, (even if it is only for a short while), and I can't help but smile knowing that the hug is for my benefit more than for his, because that is just they way he is. I have learnt to fight the lump in my throat and gracefully let each of them know I will be waiting for them at 3, and walk away, placing all my faith and trust in teachers who I hope will make a positive contribution to the lives of my children. Only time will tell...I can't wait until 3.

the calm before the storm

Summer is such an interesting season. There are times when you are always on the go trying to cram as much into your day as possible so the kids feel as though they have been sufficiently entertained, and then there are days when it feels so good to just sit on the verandah and feel the gentle breeze while you watch the world go by. These past couple of weeks I have encountered more of the latter, much to the kids delight! That is not to say that I have been idle, my mind has been racing with so many new ideas and projects to try, but for the most part they have been ideas only. The motivation to actually do anything just hasn't existed, and for the past week I have been struggling with a cold that seems to be progressively getting worse which makes the whole idea of being creative even less appealing. Originally I thought I was just creatively blocked, yet I came to the conclusion that I'm not really blocked because the ideas are actually flowing quite freely. I think it is more a case of recharging and finding my focus and embracing those ideas as potential projects for the future. It has been quite refreshing to just sit quietly and contemplate all that is waiting for me in the coming year. I have taken to reminding myself that this calm will not last and I need to embrace it while it's here.

a small piece of the past

My father came home from the UK today with this little piece of the past safely tucked into his suitcase. My grandmother passed away just before Christmas, and my Dad had returned home to be with her in what turned out to be her last days. While he was there he and his brother had a chance to go through some of her personal effects and they came across this photo of the two of them together. I had asked him to keep an eye out for anything special or significant for family history purposes and so among some other things, he brought home this photo. I don't think I could have asked for anything more perfect! He thought I would appreciate it from a photographer's point of view, and although he is completely right I feel a deeper connection to the image...perhaps it is the tranquil setting of the country landscape, or perhaps it is because it so clearly shows the pure innocence of childhood. Then again maybe it is because it is an image of two young boys who although they are now grown men recently lost their mother, and my heart feels their grief...

it's that time again

...a new year is here. There are new roads ahead, new choices to make and new goals to aspire to. For a little while now I have been thinking about what 2008 will mean for me. I have been trying to identify what my focus should be and where my priorities need to lie, and it has been anything but easy. I have told myself that this year my focus needs to be on simplifying my life, but I know my reality right now is likely to be far from simple and I have been determined to find a focus that would be realistic and achievable. So many ideas ran through my head. Each time I thought of a potential area to focus my energy I would think to myself that it seemed like the perfect idea, and then moments later think of an even better one! It was easy to laugh at myself, because it all just proved how far from simple my life is at the moment, and it suddenly hit me...my focus for this year needs to be 'balance'. My life is hectic and at times my schedule is crazy, so it is important to put it all into perspective and aim for that ever elusive balance to in fact achieve some of the simplicity my soul deeply craves. So, here I go, I'm taking a deep breath in and placing one foot in front of the other moving toward a more balanced life of meaning and purpose. Fingers crossed...